Today has been a rough day. Dog woke me up at 4:30 am and been up and out of bed ever since. Husband is gone again for the week for work.
I’m sure the fact that I’m tired and off kilter has something to do with my weakness. The past 15 days have been ok, felt great, got alot done, no real burning desire to drink.
But today, I feel weak. I knew it wasn’t going to be a cakewalk so I’m going to go and check out a meeting this evening. I tried AA awhile back in my 20’s and I didn’t like it, but maybe it will be different this time.
I came *this close* to buying a bottle of wine today at the supermarket but talked myself out of it. I know that if I choose to consume, I’ll be wracked with guilt and hate and anger at myself, cause that’s how I am. I would probably pick up the phone later tonight and call people when I’m buzzed. I would skip dinner instead of eating something healthy. I would pass out and not sleep well. And I would be hungover in the morning. And with the alcohol still in my system, I’d wanna start it all over again. And I’d hate myself.
Isn’t it weird that with all of these results that are seen so crystal clear are almost not enough to keep me from doing it?
So – I looked up a meeting and I’m going. I have to think I’ll feel better after I go.
Scared to post this but it holds me accountable. Without Addiction to Rehabilitation and everything I have learned from everyone so far, I know that I wouldn’t have made it today, so thanks. I only have a few more hours left in the day until I go to sleep. It can be done.
I’m a little anxious about the meeting but I need some more tools, I guess.