My name Matt and I’ve suffered anxiety for years. I’ve in the past, looked in to helping myself or getting help, but have never done so. As a kid I was always shy, and used humor to hide in plain sight. Food and eventually alcohol became things that I used to make myself happier or to get rid of anxiety. Didn’t work as you all know. I’ve improved from where I was before on my own, but still haven’t come to be where I want to be.
I’ve taken up playing the guitar, but never feel comfortable enough, even when by myself, to play freely. I’m always criticizing myself and telling myself that I’m no good and won’t amount to anything. I’ve never liked being on display. I used to be known for my humor to everyone, but after being called the funny guy, I came to believe that that is all anyone thought about me, and it made me feel bad. I can still get a room going from time to time, usually when I’ve had a few. I honestly want to try standup, as I get a natural high when I make people laugh, and I could see it being something that really is fulfilling for me, but I have trouble being happy and light enough to get others to laugh like I used to.
I know this is all pretty random, but often my mind works this way. I’m glad to have joined this group, and hope to learn how to get past my anxiety with the support and help of you and your similar stories.