I lost a job a week and a half ago after a drug relapse.
I got my tax check and put a down payment on a car so I could find a better job. Now between the relapse and that down payment I dont even have a dollar to me. I have bills pouring in. Everything is behind and a car payment to boot. With no job. Everyone is only hiring PT. I got a notice today that I have to pay 300 bucks for a ticket I didnt pay last year. And they want it by Apr 6th.
Between all that and the disappointment of relapsing afetr having almost 3 months clean for the first time ever I am a mess.
Today after I got that notice I had a meltdown. I havent had one like that since I thought I was going to be charged under Floridas 10 20 Life law about 7 years ago.
I thought I was going to pass out. I couldn breathe. I was trembling uncontrollably. I had chest pains a pounding headache amd I thought I was going to be sick. As hard as I tried I just couldnt calm down. Finally I layed down and fell asleep. I woke up better. But it is back but not as bad.
I am depressed and I am normally not a depressed person.
My Dr wont give me anything for instant calming because I am an addict. I dotn want to be on long term antidepressants becasue I only need something once in a great while when these episodes happen. And I need instant relief to it. I have been down the benzo road. I dotn really like them but they do the job for that calm I need right then. I dont take them otherwise. But because I am an addict I feel like I am being made to suffer.
I am in no way asking for medical advice. Just thoughts and opinions.
I cant keep going on like this. I am going to lose it.