AnonymousInactiveMay 26, 2019 at 2:17 amPost count: 1
I am 38 years old and have suffered from various forms of anxiety since my teen years. Beginning in college, I turned to alcohol to self-medicate, and it seemed to work for a little while, but it turned on me.
I’ve been to several doctors, therapists, rehab for for anxiety and alcohol. I’ve had periods of sobriety: 3/ 1/2 years at one point and another 3 years at another point. In sobriety, with AA and counseling, I did everything recommended but the anxiety did not go away.
I just left my job of 4 years because I couldn’t take the stress anymore. I had wanted to leave since about 6 months after I started, but I was too scared to try to leave, and too scared to stay! It was a very stressful job, working customer service. I had to sit 3 feet away from my overcritical boss who was always monitoring everything I did. I relapsed on alcohol on and off for the past year ago to help me deal with the stress of work and my DH getting laid off.
My DH, daughter and I recently moved. He was still jobless at the time, so the house/mortgage is in my name. This put tremendous pressure on me, being the breadwinner. Moving lowered our living expenses but increased my commute from 10 minutes to 1 1/4 hours each way And spending $500 a month on gas and tolls. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I felt if I kept working there I’d drink myself to death. So I quit.
Part of me feels a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, but part of me is scared to death. My DH is still out of work, collecting unemployment, but it is not much here if Florida. And now I am getting…nothing. I feel I can’t work, even if I do by some miracle find a job. I have left other jobs due to anxiety, performance/social in work situations.
I am so scared I won’t be able to find a job in my area. The unemployment rate is a 14% here. My DH can’t find anything, but I really don’t think he is trying very hard. He is suffering from clinical depression, and probably anxiety too.
I guess I just needed to vent. Has anyone else had trouble with anxiety and/or addiction and had trouble/felt scared about working again.
I hope this all makes sense. Thanks for reading all of this. I am also putting this under the alcoholism board, in case someone can read it there too.
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