I’ve never posted on this board before. But After having another major melt down this past weekend I did what I always do. Think, think, obsess, obsess, write and reach out to friends, and obsess some more. I cry so hard I wake up with a head aches and eyes that are so swollen I barely look like myself. And all this over some guy. Some guy I am honestly not even sure is worth my affections! And I can tell myself to not worry, i’ll be fine a for awhile then my brain begins to obsess again and the results are usually not good. I binge eat, drink or smoke.
well the friends I talked with have all independently said that I should seek professional help. That I have a very negative attitude (I do), that i obsess (I do), one friend thinks I have OCD, but…I don’t repeat actions, i don’t have rituals. I do however have a very obsessive brain, when I become interested in something, or someone, I admittedly do become enthralled with it. sometimes the results are positive, as in artwork that is created from these obsessed periods. But when it comes to relationships it’s not very positive.
I could go on and on, about how i worry and have since early childhood, how sensitive I am to the emotions of others, how stressed I get at work, how irritated I can get. I have a couple phobias. Low self esteem. Body image issues. maybe even body image dysmorphia or something. I can’t look at even my face in a mirror when others are in the room.
I don’t know what all this means. What you’d classify me as. but…
I made an appt to see a pyschiatrist.
thing is I am a bit worried about being put on medication. I’m not sure if this is behavioral and i can somehow learn to manage my thought processes better without the meds.
any insight, and advice or just hearing what others have gone through in the beginning would help.