Hi everyone, this will be some kind of introduction if I can write it down coherently:D
I’m 27 agewise, but in reality I’m just around 9 (emotional maturity-wise). I grew up in a dysfunctional family, my Dad was an A. I don’t drink and I’ve never touched the bottle but it’s true that one can’t escape the addict personality traits if she lives with an addict day by day. My addiction is food.
I was overweight in my whole life but I was also great in denial. Why am I so fat? I don’t eat more than others…And I meant it! Oh yes, I DID eat more than others…I wasn’t really fat, if I look at my photos now I see a nice curvy girl but the children are cruel. I was constantly bullied for my weight, I was never accepted and loved in any community when I was a child. I did have some friends but as a whole I was bullied a lot. I tried to lose weight and I didn’t know how…So I ate only one apple per day for a few weeks (I lied to my parents about eating) and I worked out a lot. I lost a lot of weight and I was normal once again, but then the yo-yo effect kicked in and I was even heavier than before. So I started to “diet” again and so on…
I think these contributed a lot to my eating disorder.
When I left to the uni and I was alone, I binged like a madman. I ate incredible amounts. I felt sorry for myself because people bullied me because of my weight so I ate even more and became even fatter. Now I’m around 253 lbs and I already lost 11 lbs! (I’m not tall either) . I will just eat today and I will quit tomorrow. Tomorrow I will eat only reasonable amounts but today I deserve a little treat! Life was so hard for me, I deserve some comfort…Just a few wrong things I say to myself.
I eat and I feel really bad afterwards.
I feel like a mess. I can’t really STOP eating, I eat when I’m happy and I eat when I’m miserable…I want to quit but I don’t know how. We don’t have OA here so I have to find another solution. I did so much damage to my body I don’t want to go on like this!