Hey…Made it to 7 months. Class of November 2010. Really struggling the past few days.
I had a new revelation. Well maybe not new but it kinda hit me hard. I’ve started to interact with my alcoholic father again (he’s 30+ years sober) the past few years. I’ve also been getting a little closer with my sisters too. So that sounds good right. And it has been fairly good I guess. Till now. Fathers day they brought out the crazy.
My dad is messed up. He really screwed me over I won’t get into it. He did and he knows it. But he’s a selfish ***** so he did it anyway. But do you get angry for at the scorpion for stinging you. No. It’s a scorpion, how do you get mad at that? My dad’s a scorpion.
I have been putting myself together for the past 7 months. In therapy working my own program. My life has turned around. Still lonely but I’m on a path right.
I forgot that the people around me are not working a program. I might be getting better and getting stronger but they are not. I was not the only dysfunctional person in my life. But I was the only one I could deal with. That is the only one I could take charge of (me).
Here is my revelation. I might be getting better but that does not mean that the people around me are as well. They are not getting better, they might even be getting worse.
And the things in my family and my life that drove me to drink are still out there. I can talk through some of it in therapy but I can’t change them. I can only change me.
Why should I be surprised that the stove is hot? It hurts though. To know that some people around you are no good for you. And you have to protect yourself from them. It’s sad. They are my family. But they are sooo bad for me.
I might have put my crazy down and said I’m not fighting this war against myself anymore but that does not mean that the people around me put their crazy down too.