I miss him! My ex died nearly two years ago now as a result of drugs and alcohol. He was really my best friend, even though it all became such a nightmare for years (maybe 5???)
My question is – do you ever really recover? Maybe nobody will know this as most people are still going through it. But I wonder…..
I shy away from intimacy, I’m so afraid of “being the one”, of anyone needing me emotionally. I find it hard if not impossible to really trust anyone. I spend most of my time alone, and preferring it that way. I daydream that my ex is still alive, that he is well, and how wonderful life could have been if only….
It’s almost like my life has come to a standstill. I’m hiding and I don’t want to come out – not yet anyway.
People scare me. I’ve changed so much!!! I realise I used to be a bit of a doormat for others before as a few people have been angry at me for not being so available for them, seems like it was a one-way street for some. (Not all – I’ve also been wonderfully surprised by the strength of some friendships) BUt now I feel like I’m one-way the other way!!
Wonder if I’ll ever be able to truly be intimate and trusting with another again. I miss that in my life. Nobody will ever be him, I know that, but I don’t want to be lonely all my life. Has anyone come out the other end of all of this yet????