AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 9:26 amPost count: 5
@Marcusk87 2933010 wrote:
Im full of ****. you say “talk to your sponsor” I dont want to. Hes just a sponsor in name, I dont tell him the truth about anything. I hate my life, I still have no happiness in life. Its a perpetual “keep coming” Im tired of being “sober” when im lying about my life. I just never really tell anybody the truth. If I went into a meeting and told the truth it would be anger. Im going to meetings my dad used to go to, he had 10 years and went out the time I came in, hes in mexico right now and his house is apperantly being repossessed (even though he never finished the house). I am 24. I dont give a crap anymore. I fake smile all the time and im so angry. I saw my dad once in the meeting and he shared that he was suicidal at the end of his drinking and i havent seen him at a meeting. I am all alone and sad and miserable and I have a job. But its all bs. And when you respond to this post saying “just talk to somebody” I cant. Ive been speaking and sharing and smiling at meeting and Im full of it completely. Im suicidal. Id rather drink than die so thats what will happen. The truth is impossible for me to share. IDK. Thanks for reading. I dont vibe with all these happy people. Im miserable. Im just so screwed. And I dont know if im a alcoholic. I dont think I am, I think im the child of an alcoholic but I started going to meetings because I was gonna kill myself (jump off a bridge) I understand the part of the first step that says “unmanagability” but not powerless. If my family was ok, if my dad didnt leave my mom for somebody in AA (the meeting I go to) if my mom wasnt a weed smoker, I might not of had so many tragedys in my youth and id be able to handle situations. I go to meetings because if I dont im all alone but im not getting anything out of it and im resentful at people who do. I dont know.
I can completely relate to the way you feel … during the 20 years I’ve been sober there have been periods like this. Just miserable, hating myself and everyone else, wishing I was dead.
For me this happens when I don’t get to enough meetings; so I increase meetings and feel a lot better. After all this time I have a hard time not isolating; I isolated long before I picked up a drink, it’s part of who I am. So it’s easy to cut back. Then I wonder why I’m so pissed off at everyone and DUH??
You can talk to one person about how you feel, surely. Talking works wonders….AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 9:26 amPost count: 38
I remember those first few months, I kept going back to meetings because there were people in there who seemed to be happy and I wanted that.
Clinical depression is treatable. I hope you will talk to someone.AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 9:26 amPost count: 22
The first year was great, finished the work in AA in the first 3 months, was seeing a CBT counselor every week…discovering new stuff almost everyday, on a real pink cloud…funny though cos i remember thinking make the most of this time because it is all new from the first couple of weeks:-)
I can relate though because i did a year once just by abstaining from alcohol and that sucked bigtime…really horrible…AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 9:26 amPost count: 5
The first six months were horrific for me and not because of a craving (mine was lifted). I think I cried every day, just sat in the rooms of AA and bawled. I described it as 24/7 PMS in a full moon. I was so very, very depressed.
Yes, it gets better I promise you. Just keep coming.AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 9:26 amPost count: 545
good to hear marcus – what else is happening? 🙂
DAnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 9:26 amPost count: 2
Marcus, I can’t diagnose obviously but it sounds to me a lot like clinical depression. Have you had a professional assessment for that? Or do you have a history? You may have been self medicating it previously.
AA doesn’t always seem to be enough for some people. If you’re wondering why you’re the one who doesn’t ‘get it’, I can see how that could make you feel worse.AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 9:26 amPost count: 5
<-Still alive!AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 9:26 amPost count: 5
Oh my god getting sober was a nightmare. I cried every day for four or five months, followed by just feeling crazy all the time. I wasn’t restored to sanity, I was introduced to sanity, lol.
But I promise you it gets better. That’s true for all of us. What helped me the most was talking about how I felt and keeping the focus on today. I only have to not pick up a drink TODAY.AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 9:26 amPost count: 5
I forgot to say early sobriety was so awful it keeps me going to meetings 19+ years later. I don’t believe I’d ever be able to go through it again, so I don’t take risks.
I described it as PMS in a full moon.AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 9:26 amPost count: 4
Sobriety is an emotional rollercoaster. I think the people who talk about being pissed off and confused are the people who are being honest about where they are at.
I have gone to meetings that I call fluff meetings where lots of people with less than 3 months have all the answers, they feel great and life is just like walking down the happy lane.
At 3 years or 30 years everybody hits a patch where emotional sobriety gets a bit sticky. Just hang in there I don’t have much time I’ll be 7 next month and trust me I still have days where I am homicidal but its a step up from suicidal.
Venting is awesome I urge you to keep doing it and praying never hurt anyone that I know of?:grouphug:AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 5:20 pmPost count: 2789
I’m told that the first year of sobriety can sometimes be the hardest. I’m just over three months now, and all in all, I find it becoming easier to deal with cravings. My program of recovery suggests that I have a plan in place for the really hard times.
In my case, that usually means making a phone call to another alcoholic or going to a meeting. Other times, it’s just a matter of thinking through the act of drinking. Looking beyond the initial pleasant feelings brought about by the first few drinks. When I do that, and look at the consequences, and also not fool myself that I could stop after only a few, the cravings generally go away. I’ve experienced alcohol withdrawal one too many times. Don’t want to go there again.
So a plan of action, of any kind, seems appropriate.
Congratulations on your sober time.AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 5:20 pmPost count: 965Hi Felicia
Welcome and congrats on getting sober.
Naltrexone is good for the cravings and is used more and more to help alcoholics. I used it while in treatment for 28 days and then again just recently when I got sober again…
Dan has great suggestions as well.
Coming here to Addiction to Rehabilitation has been my biggest tool in staying sober.AnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 5:20 pmPost count: 1
It gets a ton easier if you stick it through the tough times.
The more time that you have the more you have to loose if you go out. That means you have to go back to the beginning all over again and start at day one if you go out and if you make it back!
Just focus on not drinking today. Do the things that help such as . . .
1. Go to a meeting.
2. Chat on Line with other AA and NA
3. Call your sponsor
4. If you still have a graving, go to another meeting and talk about what your true feelings are. (just like you have here)
5. Don’t hang out with anyone who is drinking
6. Don’t go to bars.
7. Don’t call old relationships (big one)
ThatÃ¢â‚¬â„¢s a lot, but you only have to follow these suggestions for today! That’s it.
Tomorrow, ask me again.
Last one. Do not drink, no matter what. Even if your butt is falling off and the end of the world is coming (its not) do not drink!
You have the power in the here and now. But you have no power IN tomorrow or yesterday.
I think you are on the right track. Sobriety can suck sometimes. Working through that gives you more strenght for the next time!
However, this last Monday my Son “Donnie” was Born to a woman I love and loves me.
We had a ton of people (family and friends) in the waiting room just to give their support and love
I have a 12 year old daughter that has never seen me drunk or stoned.
I am very happy in my life, but I had to pay the price you are paying now to get there.
I would not have this Ã¢â‚¬Å“here and nowÃ¢â‚¬? if I had given in.
Don’t give up.
It gets a lot better!!
JamesAnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 5:20 pmPost count: 3
Well, what can I say, thanks for all your support. I say one thing: ‘I am glad I am sitting here this morning, not having had a drink the night before! So at least it IS possible – these cravings usually hit at the middle of the day, but as soon as it’s evening it goes away. I have been drinking heavily for many years and have (surprise, surprise,) damaged my liver – I couldn’t believe it when the doc told me! I guess it’s time to live in the today, otherwise I woudn’t make it.
Thanks a lot friends.
FeliciaAnonymousInactiveMarch 14, 2019 at 5:20 pmPost count: 373
Hi Felicia, I can only say I support all that everyone has said here. Good advice. I still get cravings. I know that is the insanity of alcohol. It ruins our lives, but we keep wanting more beatings. I personally try to get to a meeting if I crave. Or at least I pick up and read some AA literature. But calling your sponsor or others in the program is also very good to do.
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